


The Pain of Remembrance

by Purplefern



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: (it's kind of complicated), (kind of), Amnesia, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Dad Cole, During Canon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm super tired so let me know if this needs any other tags, Identity Issues, Loss of Identity, Morro & Wu relationship is not the focus, No beta we die like half the ninja have, Sappy Ending, Season/Series 09, Supportive Big Brother Ninja, Team as Family, Teen Wu, Wu talk about your issues boy, or Dad Ninja?, whatever you've seen Hunted you know how it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:14:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29952570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplefern/pseuds/Purplefern
Summary: Now that he was a teen, Wu was beginning to remember more things. However, not all of those memories would be pleasant.(Lil Wu remembers something less than nice and gets some help from the ninja. All while meanwhile having some mini identity issues.)
Relationships: Cole & Sensei Wu (Ninjago), Jay Walker & Sensei Wu, Kai & Sensei Wu (Ninjago), Morro & Sensei Wu (Ninjago) (referenced), Sensei Wu & Zane (Ninjago)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	The Pain of Remembrance

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place pretty much right after Wu gets his first memory back. I picture him about 14.

Wu tossed and turned where he slept on the hard barren ground of the First Realm. His mind was filled with scattered images -- memories, but unlike his previous these were not calm and nostalgic but blurry, frantic, and painful.

_Master Wu!_ He vaguely heard a child voice cry out happily. The fuzzy image of his past-self smiled and brought a black-green blur into his arms while Wu watched on as though an outsider. Despite the cheerful scene, he felt a distant ache of melancholy that he couldn’t ever remember feeling and couldn’t quite place. The dream-memory seemed to shudder and shatter around him, and the surroundings swiftly re-formed. 

_You said I was the Green Ninja!_ The same voice, older now and bitter. The scene was no clearer than before, but this time was awash with phantom jumbled feelings of shame, regret, anger, sadness. The blur of a boy seemed to melt before him , dissolving away and leaving him staring at the unclear face of an old man who he thought might be him, then, he, too dissipated. 

He fought off what felt like a strong sea breeze, the salted air pricking and burning his eyes. Holding an arm up to ward off, he watched still as a green fuzzy shape struggled and was reached out to by his older self. _You can only save those who want to be saved._ The figure disappeared, and the memory surged with pain and loss and regret. His once-self cried out, the voice cracking with unshed tears, _Morro!_

Wu woke up, struggling to breathe through tears that poured down his face. He whipped them away, though the hurt remained deep in his chest, lingering from whatever it was that he had semi-remembered. He took deep breaths, measuring the inhales and exhales in what almost felt like muscle memory, and tried to regain his bearings. Swiping more tears away, he looked around the camp to cement himself in the present. The ninja all slept beside the extinguished remains of the fire, and Faith was nowhere to be seen. Probably scouting or hunting or something like that. 

Sitting up, the young master tried to make sense of the memories that had come to him. They were so different from the other he had most recently regained. They confused him (something he had been feeling an awful lot of since growing into a teenager). Who _was_ that? Why did the memories _hurt_ so much? Were they even memories, or was that really just some strange nightmare or vision? He didn’t know. What he did know was that all at once he wanted his father. The word cracked curiously when he thought it -- bringing to mind simultaneously the old man he had recently remembered and also the man who had been so recently raising his child-self just the past few weeks. Wu shook his head, mentally staggering as he tried to piece his thoughts together and separate the _then_ and _now_. Cole was not his father (at least, he didn’t think he was), despite all of his clearest and most recent memories of him being so. 

All the same, he thought, looking over to where the earth ninja looked to be deep asleep, Cole _did_ usually tell him to let him know when he remembered something. (And, unlike the still vague image of the old man, Cole was actually here. But it did make him wonder -- what _had_ happened to his actual father? It was frustrating, only remembering things in bits and pieces and this new strange half-memory was more frustrating still.) 

Uncurling from his sleeping spot, the teen stepped over to the sleeping ninja, hunched over and nervously fiddling with his hands as he did. Standing beside the older man, he hesitated a moment to wake him up. Wu hated to be a bother, and Cole was sleeping so soundly…

Never mind, he decided, turning swiftly away. He could figure this out on his own. These were _his_ memories, after all, and he didn’t need to disturb someone who had done so much for him. 

In the uncanny dark of the dragon realm, he turned too quickly and tripped over an unseen bush, falling to the ground in a metallic clatter of borrowed hunter armor. 

“Huh? Whas-it?” mumbled Cole, sitting up into a half-defensive position. Wu froze like a deer in the headlights, his shoulder hunching guiltily. 

“Sorry,” he apologized meekly, “I-I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“Lil Wu?” asked the ninja blearily, rubbing at his eyes and turning to stare at the teenager. Blinking dazedly at him a moment, he asked, “Something wrong, bud?” 

“No. Well, I um,” the blond stammered as he sat up, unsure what to say. The nightmare memory _was_ still bothering him, the blurred images still forefront in his mind, but he still didn’t want to be a burden, and struggled to decide what to do. Cole, somehow, seemed to know something was up and Wu could just barely make out how his face softened kindly. 

Now fully awake, the man sat up all the way and patted the space next to him invitingly. Uncertainly, the teen moved to sit next to him. 

“So what’s bothering you?” he asked gently, his voice kept to a whisper to not disturb their still-sleeping teammates. Wu didn’t answer right away, instead furrowing his brow into the darkness of the camp to try and put his jumbled thoughts together into something coherent.The master of earth didn’t rush him, and only sat supportively beside him as he searched for words.

“I think I remembered something?” he said at last, uncertainty turning it into more of a question. 

“Well, that’s a good thing, right?” replied Cole hopefully, giving the boy a slightly crooked smile that was just barely noticeable in the dark. 

“Perhaps…” the teen waffled, rubbing at his arm. One last time he worried if he should be bothering the ninja with his problems. But Cole did not seem bothered. Right then Wu decided he would tell him the rest. Cole would know what to do, he found himself thinking. He had been there for him this whole time in the First Realm -- and he knew about his past far more, besides. “It was not….like my other memory, though,” he tried to explain everything about the strangeness of his queer sad dream, “This one was...unclear. And sad,” Staring at his feet contemplatively, he added in a lower voice, “It seemed to be filled with loss and regret, though I cannot remember why. All of the faces are blurred, and the only part I can fully remember are the feelings that came with it.” The teen turned to the dark-haired man hopefully, his eyes searching for answers. 

The ninja blew out his breath in a whooshing sigh, remarking, “Ah. I guess some of those were bound to come up sooner or later. Wish it coulda been later, though.” Rubbing at the back of his head regretfully he said, “We’ve, uh, been through a lot.” Shaking his head, he asked, forcing a more light tone, “Well, what _can_ you remember? Maybe I can help you figure out what memory it is.” 

Nodding, Wu related what details he could remember from the fuzzy memories, though they weren’t much. Even so, as he did Cole’s entire countenance shifted-- his shoulders tensing and his head inclining almost regretfully downwards. 

“Oh,” he said when at last Wu had finished recalling all he could from his dream. He sighed again, admitting, “Was kinda hoping these ones wouldn’t show up for a while. They...aren’t all that pretty. But, I’m pretty sure I know what they are, if you want to know.” 

“I--” Wu started to reply, but immediately cut himself off. _Didn't_ he want to remember? So his mind could stop being this pieced-together mess of two different lives stitched together in one increasingly confused body? “I--” he tried again, trying to give the answer of _yes_ . But some force seemed to keep stopping him. Even while he was just trying to think about the details of the memories that had just returned, he had to struggle to even remember what was said in them. It was almost like the memories themselves were resisting him. “I...have the strangest feeling,” he found himself saying instead, “I feel as though there is a part of me that does not _want_ to remember anything.” 

“Why would you want that, Master Wu?!” asked Cole incredulously, his voice raising in surprise. Across the campfire pit, Jay shifted and turned over, and the black ninja slapped a hand over his mouth guiltily. In a once again hushed tone he asked again, “Seriously, why wouldn’t you want to remember who you are?” 

“I do not _know_ ,” stressed teen Wu, his voice strained, “I was hoping that you would.” 

Cole chuckled nervously, feeling a bit out of his depth. He had always turned to _Master Wu_ for guidance -- having the tables turned on him left him feeling a bit unbalanced. Now that Wu was no longer a child, it was much easier to see his sensei in the young man. It was super weird, seeing someone who he knew so well and had relied on so much sounding so uncertain -- afraid, even. But he was looking at him with such hope that Cole knew he had to try to help him. Sensei had done as much for him, after all. “Ok, alright,um,” he ran his hands through his hair, trying to think of something to say, “I might not _know_ what’s going on but we can totally figure it out. Just, uh, what do you mean by ‘not wanting to remember’ exactly?” 

“I’m not quite sure,” Wu replied, twiddling his thumbs and reflecting on the whole situation, “It is just a... _feeling_ that seems to be making remembering difficult. Almost as though that part of me is frightened to remember the rest.” 

“With that particular memory, I can kinda see why,” replied Cole, his hand on his chin as he seriously considered all that his young sensei was telling him. Wu cocked his head to the side in confusion -- since he still didn’t know what that memory _was_. 

The teen startled slightly when the earth ninja threw a comforting arm over his shoulders, but soon relaxed into the touch. “The past can’t hurt you, Wu,” reassured Cole, his voice strong and certain, “I’m not gonna lie to you, you’ve been through a lot -- and a lot of it _we_ don’t even know anything about -- I’m sure a lot of memories are gonna kinda suck. But the past is in the past.” 

“But what about when I remember more of these terrible things?” the boy worried. 

Cole tugged his sensei-turned-student a little closer, his arm tightening protectively around him. “If you remember bad stuff, then do what you’re doing right now. You can always talk to me, or one of the guys. You’ve been there enough times for us, we’ll be here for you. We won’t let some ghosts of the past hurt you.” 

“Yeah,” muttered a sleepy voice across the camp, “E’en if the past sucked, you just drive yourself crazy worrying ‘bout it all the time. I should know,” clearly awake, Jay sat up and rubbed at his eyes before turning to the two, “Just gotta keep moving forwards,” he quipped. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you up, too,” murmured Wu guiltily, shifting where he sat and disturbing Cole’s arm from his shoulders. 

Jay waved off the apology, dismissing it, “Eh. Not like I can get any good sleep in this creepy place anyway.”

“Some of us are trying though,” grumbled Kai, proving he was awake now as well. 

“Hey, Lil Wu had a nightmare. I’m just trying to help,” defended Jay, crossing his arms. 

Cole huffed, retorting amusedly, and gesturing towards Jay with one arm while he now leaned back on the other, “Um, I was doing all the helping. You literally _just_ jumped in,” he pointed out. 

“It’s the thought that counts! ”shot back Jay. 

“That’s not even remotely how that phrase works,” corrected Cole, shaking his head and unable to help from laughing. 

Amidst the growing bickering, Kai cut in, “You had a nightmare, Master Wu?” He walked over to where the teen sat by the earth master’s side, plopping down slightly behind him and putting a hand on his shoulder taking the place of the black ninja’s arm. 

“Well, not exactly,” replied Wu, feeling a little embarrassed at apparently all of them knowing he had been unable to sleep. “It was another memory, I think. But one that was far less pleasant. I wish I had not remembered it at all,” he huffed, still considering that scared and strange feeling that made him want to stop remembering. 

“I have learned from experience that forgetting troubling memories does very little to cope with the pain from them,” came yet another voice as Zane approached the growing circle the team had formed around Wu, and assuring that no one in the camp was asleep anymore. “If anything, suppressing these memories makes it worse,” with this wisdom imparted, Zane sat on Wu’s other side -- his presence just as warm and steadying as Cole’s despite his metal form. 

“Seriously!” exclaimed Jay, throwing his hands in the air dramatically, as he, too, got up to join with the group, “He almost shut down from trying to forget something terrible! It was a whole mess,” he sighed. Jay sat down next to Zane, leaving Wu now surrounded by all four of his guardians in this strange realm. Rather than overwhelmed or embarrassed, their presence only made him feel safer and strangely confident. He knew with a certainty that he suspected reached even beyond his current experience that they would support him no matter what. It was a reassurance that felt oddly new. 

“What did you do to make it better?” he asked, suddenly certain that they would have an answer, and knowing that it would hold the key to his own struggle, “How do you manage the more painful memories?” 

“I relied on my family,” answered Zane at once, unwavering and resolute in his response as he gestured to his brothers at his side. “I stopped blocking them out and allowed them to know what was troubling me. Together, with them beside me I was finally able to move past my painful moments.” 

Jay gave Wu a supportive, brotherly punch on the arm, chirping, “We got you, Wu,” he chuckled briefly at the little rhyme and the young master couldn’t help but smile slightly. 

“So, what was bothering you? I’m sure we can help,” asked Kai in his protective big-brotherly way. 

At this point, the teen had nearly forgotten the original reason for his wakefulness, as blurry as the almost-memories had been. But, surrounded by this team-- this family--of his, he knew he could tell them. So he did, relating all his dream and his concerns and his doubts. And they listened. They listened, and comforted, and joked lightheartedly when he started to slip into an introspective melancholy. Though he could not remember any of his past, these memories included, he got the distinct sense that these concerns had been long-unspoken. It felt like he was treating a wound long ignored, or airing out a musty house for spring. 

He didn’t know what his past held for him in the future, but he knew that he would take what memory threw at him as long as he had his family with him.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of different thoughts while I was writing this. Like, it must have been so weird being Wu during this period of time, right? Like, there's what he knows up until this point but also he's starting to remember who he was? It's like he's almost two people at the same time or something. 
> 
> And then there's the fact that after the events of Hunted, Wu opens up around the ninja a lot more, so I wanted to kind of write that transition where he's starting to remember the bad stuff but is young enough to actually go and get help unlike the Wu of previous seasons who would just keep everything to himself. Or something. 
> 
> I'm really tired as a write this so I don't even know if any of that made sense, haha. But I hope you enjoyed. Kudos, comments, etc are always very appreciated, thanks for reading. :)


End file.
